A piece of my mind today...

This time last year, I was mourning. Mourning the loss of a second child. No woman should lose one child, no woman should lose two. My heart was broken. Completely. I heard this song today and it reminded me of the hurt that God held my hand through one year ago...

I have heard, "I'm sorry, you're not pregnant" more than any woman should. I've been through more hurt and loss than any woman should. I've had more shots, medicine, Dr visit's, and treatments than any woman should. I don't say this for anyone to feel sorry for me. I say it because through everything HE STILL REIGNS! Today... I'm praising God! 

I had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago. After much (and much more) prayer, my husband and I made this decision together. While satan wanted me to hurt today, Gods love broke through and I'm able to praise Him. While satan reminded me that I will never have the chance to bring life into this world again, God reminded me of what He's brought me through the last 8 years. I praise Him that I will never again have to hear the phrase, "I'm sorry, you're not pregnant". I will never feel the hope of pregnancy only to have it overcome by grief. I will never again feel the agony of losing a baby.

So for that, for THAT, I say, "THANK YOU, JESUS!"

For those who are so completely worn from the journey of infertility or the loss of a baby... have faith. God does mend frail and torn hearts. A song WILL rise from the ashes of a broken life. Redemption WILL win. He is a good God! He is a great God! Even Especially when we are going through trials.

He has given me rest.

As my husband and I end our 8.5 year journey through infertility... I'm relieved. I thought I would be sad when this day came, but I'm not. Eight and a half years is a long time to constantly wonder. To have a heart that aches and longs for someone. It takes its toll on a persons soul. 

I look back and I truly can thank my God in Heaven for this trial that Matt and I have walked together. While it has brought many tears, it has also brought our greatest blessing on earth, Aden. We have lost 2 children, Isaac and Hazel, but we will get to hold them in Heaven. It has pulled at our hearts, but it has grown our hearts together 'til it seems they have intertwined. God allowed it, but God never let us face it alone. My faith has grown immensely over these years. Faith in a God Who CAN do anything, but doesn't always choose to. He does what's best for those who love Him, and this trial WAS what was best for Matt and I. I can say, with an honest heart, that my faith in Christ would NOT be what it is today if He had not allowed this trial. And for that I say,  "Thank You, Jesus!" 

As we end our journey, I know couples who are in the middle of theirs and couples who are at the beginning. For those couples, I say, "you are blessed." Don't allow this trial to be in vain!! Yes, it hurts... but you don't have to go it alone... that's your choice. God doesn't force His way into people's lives, but He certainly desires to be a part of it. 

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."